I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize