If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
