I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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