handjob tips. give me some.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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