I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
they're like a gay fantastic four
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
