I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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