I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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