i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
