Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
