I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
