Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize