i need an iv and a liver transplant
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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