make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
