WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
