i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
