well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
