...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
