somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
