you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
