Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
