ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize