Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
