she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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