tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
