What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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