FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
