the condom got lost in my hair
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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