I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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