You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
