If that was your dad, he is hot
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
