So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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