You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
