Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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