So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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