matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
