No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
