You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
