can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
