All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
