So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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