I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
