I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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