3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
A+ Viking dick
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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