I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
