Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
