At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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