all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Im part way to drunk.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
