just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
