Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
