Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
