How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
