You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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