He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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