I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
North Korea, Best Korea!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
