She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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