Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're a waste of cheezeits
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize