First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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