so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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