I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I need moral support for this bender
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
