he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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