There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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