THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
