I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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