Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We need to get me chipped asap
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize