oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
