My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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