remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
