You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
