did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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