last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
