i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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